When the dog eats she eats.
When the squirrel chases it chases.
I met Paul today. His phone number was given to me as well as his teachings on making money through Vietnamese currency. He makes more than me so maybe he knows.
When the sun was out I felt light. When it set I felt dark. I guess antidepressants are on a 24hr clock.
This morning, while doing Snatch Grip Deadlifts, it was difficult to keep my grip. I could lift much more with proper straps.
Now to the heart of the matter:
I'm not very easy going. Or at least I imagine people think that of me. But they have false perceptions too. I didn't say I didn't want Christmas presents I said I didn't know. I said sometimes I want everything and other times my life seems complete. Delusions are a common human experience.
If you look really closely at the wall you will notice dozens of shades and dozens of opportunities to see the wall differently. You might notice you have an attitude toward the wall or you judge yourself for not looking at the wall the 'right way." A teacher once told me that "the practice is in the noticing." This is true. How can you change something that you have noticed? You can't because the thing already happened and once something happens it's locked away in history. In the next moment you can do something else and that is the liberation of life.
Do you see?
It's all just moments. When we begin to see this we begin to see the silliness of judging ourselves when looking at the wall. Your eyes and body just are. When you look at the wall and say to yourself "that's not the right way, look at the wall better" your Zen teacher will laugh at you because you are obsessed with yourself but also because no one is listening when you talk to yourself. The energy is better spent making sandwiches for the poor.
When you judge the way you look at the wall your repeating mistreatments from childhood. I'm sorry your father was critical or unavailable. You need to see right here and now that you have internalized his problems, taken them on as your own. Do you notice this now? As you read this message to you notice your mistreatment of yourself? Stop picking at you skin too.
Do you see?